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Into Some Minds Of Madness – Running: How To Torture Yourself And Enjoy It |The Unvictimized Edition| (6/9)

Hello Commons, here is the fifth chapter of Running: How To Torture Yourself And Enjoy It |The Unvictimized Edition|, a satirical self-help book about running that’s more about its author than anything else. Please enjoy. See the bottom of this post for more info.


Chapter 5
Into Some Minds Of Madness

Running Makes Life Better

At this point in your reading, you may be skeptical. You may be thinking I made up the whole story about myself, that I’m just pulling all of this “running makes life better” stuff out of my butt and trying to make a quick buck. You may even think that I am legitimately crazy, that my words hold no weight and that your time spent reading this book has been a total waste. That’s just fine, I won’t take your insecurities to heart.

Listen, you can think whatever you want, it doesn’t make a singular nevermind to me. I set out to help you improve your lifethrough running and I’m not about to stop – running has taught me better. This book is prepared for your doubts; I went out and interviewed over a dozen runners from a variety of age groups, asking six simple questions about their running experience. You may find that… well, I’ll just let you read it for yourself.

1.  When & why did you start running?

“I started running in August of twenty’sixteen because my friend recommended cross country to me. I was fourteen years old.”
– Mazonn Murkthee, 17

“I started running almost a decade ago. I started because I was at a race with my family but I watched and everyone else ran, I had never run before in my life. Then my friend asked me if I wanted to try it. Two months later I ran my first race.”
– Glauria Wallace, 53

“I started running track when I was in middle school, but I took a hiatus to pursue academics and theater & the performing arts throughout high school. I picked it up again my freshman year of college, the same year I kickstarted my fifty-pound weight loss and maintenance.”

– Pam Happy Robertson, 20

“I actually started running a little before high school, I really enjoyed it. Football wasn’t my cup of tea because I’d get trampled, and I ran everywhere with my friends. One day I got into a fight with one of the better runners and I was only about one hundred twelve pounds at the time, so I took off. The coach saw me and the rest is history.”
– Jo-jo “Joey” Jennings, 66

“I grew up around animals, specifically one dog named Roscoe. He was a pit bull we rescued; my mom didn’t let him stay inside our trailer so I always ran around outside with him. These days I run to stay sane because my boss Chuck is a freaking nutjob.”
– Karen Page, 29

“I was a former marine, and marines pride themselves on being physically fit. A few years ago I was concerned about gaining weight and I heard about some local five-kays so I figured I’d give it a try. I started a good seven years ago.”
– Mikhail Vitulano, 52

“I started running when I was five or six because in gym class I was really fast. And I beat my dad at a five-kay when I was six.”
– Arnold Oysterman, 12

“I started running because I was terrible at everything else I tried. Just not coordinated. When I picked up middle school cross country, the more I put in the better I got.”
– Brob Outrano, 28

“I was twelve. My family is all athletic, we grew up on a Native American reservation, and I played soccer. I really just loved long distance running. It wasn’t really a choice, but I loved it all the same.”
– Renee Pallet, 32

“I started eight years ago after a health scare. I was working on my bucket list and I wanted to do a five-kay and I was a walker so I didn’t think it would be that bad.”
– Karla Holula, 57

“Because I liked it and thought it was really fun. It’s fun to race your friends. I was eleven, or however old you are in sixth grade.”
– Jesohaia Campogreen, 16

2. Why do you run? In other words, what does running mean to you?

“That’s a good question. I run because, with all the things going on around me, it acts as a stress reliever. When I run well and with good competition, it brings me joy.”
– Zacharia Voll’Kayno, 16

“I run to keep my body in optimal physical condition. I am a machine, or rather, my body is. If I let it sit and stagnate for even one day it will rust, it will degrade. Unacceptable. Now get out of my face, I have lesser humans to stomp.”
– Sean Hymarc, 36

“I know I get conditioning, but that’s like the third level. The first thing is… it’s hard to describe. I like to run outdoors because it’s like a metaphysical experience. I like to enjoy nature. Then there’s the racing; I like to push myself and do well, and the friendships aren’t bad either.”
– Glen Jakobs, 70

“For one, it keeps you in good shape. I’ve also found it’s a good way to relax – if I have a bad day at work I’ll go for a run, and I may not solve a single problem, but I will sure feel a lot better. And it’s a lot better than hitting the bottle.”
– Jo-jo “Joey” Jennings, 66

“It’s a way of becoming fit, and of improving yourself. Most of all it’s about meeting the others, making friends that have similar desires, goals and motivations. I’m also trying to get my seven-year-old into running. It’s really the camaraderie of the sport.”
– Mikhail Vitulano, 52

“I get faster. It also makes me have something to work for, like goals. And it’s fun!”
– Arnold Oysterman, 12

“That’s a good question. Fear of what will happen if I stop, really. It’s just the one escape, it’s the only time I’m in sync with my own thoughts. Usually everything is so real, but when you’re running it all melts away.”
Brob Outrano, 28

“Self-improvement, self-development. Every aspect of my self, my mind, my heart, my body benefits from it. It becomes an improved version as a result.”
– Obito Osuki, 34

“It’s like a challenge to overcome. Nobody wants to go for a run, but the feeling after is always worth the challenge.”
– Bradley Canning, 21

“It is physical, spiritual, emotional and mental therapy. Nothing connects me more with the earth, God and myself than pushing myself to extreme limits.”
– Renee Pallet, 32

“I enjoy running because it’s like my quiet time away, it’s also an outlet for all my energy.”
– Joe Corridoro, 36

“Competition – medals, beating my peers, seeing my own improvement.”
– Mazonn Murkthee, 17

3. Do you have any words of advice for those who are new to running?

“Start at your own pace and eventually as you keep running you will get better and better. Don’t give up too easily, keep pushing yourself.”
– Jesohaia Campogreen, 16

“Number one, have fun. Number two, don’t get hurt. Number three, keep your weight down, especially older runners. Number four, push yourself like I do, but do it at a level you’re comfortable with.”
– Glen Jakobs, 70

“Just learn to enjoy it, try not to be so competitive that you can’t enjoy it. Look at all the stuff you get to see when you’re out there, it’s a very relaxing sport.”
– Jo-jo “Joey” Jennings, 66

“Keep at it. You’re not going to lose all the weight the first week, you’re not going to be the best runner at first but if you keep at it you’ll get better, you’ll lose the weight and you’ll just feel better.”
– Smitty Holula, 66

“Just come out and try it, don’t feel embarrassed or afraid of being beaten. I’ve seen everyone from eight years old to folks in their eighties running and it’s just amazing.”
– Mikhail Vitulano, 52

“Don’t do too much too soon, don’t start off too fast. You need to be prepared to a certain point, but don’t just start off with a sprint, because you’re going to hurt yourself and lose the motivation.”
– Karla Holula, 57

“Just keep going. Don’t stop, don’t take three weeks to stop because then you won’t do it anymore. And also do races, it makes you really push yourself!”
– Arnold Oysterman, 12

“Just enjoy it. As long as you’re enjoying it, that’s what’s important. If it becomes a chore, you might have to change something.”
– Joe Corridoro, 36

“Get competitive with it. Even if it’s against yourself.”
– Hewitt Corridoro, 9

“Don’t give up on it right away. Take time to adjust yourself to it and as you run more, you’ll see your progress and the mental and physical benefits.”
– Zacharia Voll’Kayno, 16

“Definitely don’t stop. When I first started, I thought I couldn’t do it, I thought I would never go anywhere with it and that I would quit after the first week. But I didn’t, and now I’m varsity. And if I could make varsity, then anyone could do it. Make sure that I is italicized, okay?”
– Jack Monta, 15

“Get out the door; that’s the hardest part most of the time. And don’t worry about pace. Worry about minutes – don’t even think about miles until you can go for forty-five minutes straight.”
– Brob Outrano, 28

“Try to run every day. When you’re out there don’t walk, try to at least do a slow jog. Walking is giving in, it’s all in your mind.”
– Mazonn Murkthee, 17

4. Any words for those who are on the fence of whether or not they should run?

“Definitely try it out because it only benefits you. If you don’t like it that’s fine, but if you get more involved, you’ll see the benefits that come along with it.”
– Zacharia Voll’Kayno, 16

“If I can do it anybody can do it! Try it, you don’t know unless you try it. It’s hard, it all comes back to it’s hard but when you accomplish your goal, there’s no better feeling.”
– Glauria Wallace, 53

“Try it. It’s not bad for your knees, that’s the big excuse but the more you use the joint, the better it gets lubricated. If you’re always babying it, it’s going to get hurt.”

– Smitty Holula, 66

“There’s an implication that as you get older you should be slowing down, but it’s good to try it anyway. Stay active, get involved with a running club.”
– Karla Holula, 57

“Just do it! It becomes an addiction, it’s very contagious. Try it – five-kays are a race where it’s not too long, it’s something you can complete. And if you train for it, you will see yourself improve.”
– Mikhail Vitulano, 52

“Depends why they’re on the fence. If there’s a medical concern, see a doctor. There are other endurance sports. If you’re physically capable, there’s no reason not to. The more you put in, the more you get out of it. Don’t compare yourself to others, just do you.”
– Brob Outrano, 28

“I would say, for one thing, running is not for everybody. Talk to your doctor to make sure you won’t hurt yourself, but work your way into it. Don’t get so competitive that you can’t enjoy it.”
– Jo-jo “Joey” Jennings, 66

 “Give yourself a chance, it’s the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself.”
– Renee Pallet, 32

“Just try it, it’s not like it’s a long-term commitment. It’s a half-hour commitment, or even a ten-minute commitment, however long you want.”
– Bradley Canning, 21

“Oh gosh, just do it. If being seen or watched by other humans bugs you out then hit the woods, run some trails. Do yourself a favor and just get lost out there for a day. You’re more likely to run into a bigfoot than you are to come across somebody who will judge you. Sprinting through the forest at full speed is literally the greatest thing you could ever do, ever.”
– Sam Monta, 19

“Give it a try, see how you feel. Even if it doesn’t feel good at first, stick with it. It might take a little while, but eventually you will enjoy it.”
– Joe Corridoro, 36

“If they decide to, they should start off with a little race. Start easy.”
– Hewitt Corridoro, 9

5. Any words for those who think running is a bad idea?

“That’s stupid.”
– Zacharia Voll’Kayno, 16

 “You shouldn’t call it a bad idea if it actually helps others out and if it’s someone’s goal to take them farther.”
– Jesohaia Campogreen, 16

“Those who think it’s a bad idea probably don’t do anything. Everything you do involves some type of motion, so… I think if you think it’s a bad idea, you’d rather sit on the couch and watch others do things.”
– Jo-jo “Joey” Jennings, 66

“They’re probably right, but that’s coming from me. Look, cards on the table, I know I weigh far too much to enjoy running. The only reason I’m doing this race is because my boss Chuck is paying me overtime. I’m sure for healthy humans it’s unreservedly incredible.”
– Sigmund Durham, 41

“Well you’re not going to change their mind, but you just have to see what it does for you. It’s more than words, it’s the actions that count, and when others see that you’re improving yourself, they might start too.”

– Karla Holula, 66

“There’s always things that are going to be bad, as far as health-wise. If you lift weights you can overexert yourself – go at a slow pace, stretch, eat the right foods and you’ll find out that it’s not such a bad thing.”
– Mikhail Vitulano, 52

*laughter* Try something else. Just keep moving, don’t let the fact that you don’t want to run keep you from doing something.”
– Smitty Holula, 66

“Uh… it’s not. It can make you a better human. It can make you reach your goals.”
– Arnold Oysterman, 12

“I think everybody has their hobbies. If they think it’s a bad idea they probably haven’t tried it themselves.”
– Joe Corridoro, 36

“If they think it’s a bad idea because they’re going to ruin their knees, it’s a load of crap. Humans are built to run, it’s as simple as that. Form is correctable – those who doubt it either haven’t taken the right steps or they haven’t tried it. Give it time.”
– Brob Outrano, 28

“Run on the grass, run on the dirt. If you think it’s bad for you it’s probably because you think running on pavement is bad for your joints, but this planet has plenty of places to run that aren’t pavement.”
– Obito Osuki, 34

*clears throat* Why? Why is running a bad idea, I don’t know. If you don’t want to run, find something that motivates you. The important thing is to keep moving.”
– Glauria Wallace, 53

“I don’t even think humans like that exist. Doesn’t everyone just acknowledge that it’s good for you?”
– Bradley Canning, 21

6. How do you feel about the phrase “Running is an art form”?

“Everyone has an outlet to express themselves, I believe the same way with running. Running is like art; your shoes are like the brushes and the places you run on are your canvas. So go paint.”
– Mazonn Murkthee, 17

“It is an art in its own way, just like anything else. A sport with a ball has its own significance and so does running. Van Gough’s painting and Beethoven’s music are both beautiful works of art, and so is running. It’s just more physical.”
– Zacharia Voll’Kayno, 16

“I believe it’s kind of an art form. You go out and watch a race and everyone has a different way of doing it. You can look at someone at the beginning of a race and think, ‘This guy ain’t going anywhere,’ and then he’ll beat you. It’s very unique.”
– Jo-jo “Joey” Jennings, 66

“It is, because there’s not one particular method or motivation that works for everybody. You have to find it in yourself, running makes you a better human and being a better human makes you a better runner.”
– Karla Holula, 57

“I’d agree with that. I think there’s a lot you can get from running other than exercise and health. There’s a peacefulness to it. Running alone is like meditation, running with a group is a social thing.”
– Joe Corridoro, 36

“Well I feel exquisite about it, thank you for asking. Running is… when I was younger, my father and I would go out to sea to explore tropical islands, right, and on these islands – one island in particular, actually; it was shaped like a foot, you would have loved it – I would run through the jungles. When I was out there, something changed in me… I felt like I was a cave painting, but animated. There is something primal, something real about running. It’s one of the most human things you can do. Damn fuckin’ straight it’s an art form.”
– Chuck Leary, 37

 “Yeah, yeah I agree. It’s definitely one of the most essential physical arts that has been around since the beginning of human creation, and it will be around until the end of us. We just need to learn to create better art than the machines. If we do that, we will survive. Remember, in Zombieland, the first to go were… well, the key to survival is cardio.”
– Obito Osuki, 34

“I would say it’s probably an art form. It depends on how you do it, like, Steve Prefontaine? The way he did it was an art form.”
– Bradley Canning, 21

“Running has its own uniqueness compared to every other sport, and each runner has their own uniqueness compared to every other human. It’s special.”
– Jesohaia Campogreen, 16

“I’ll be honest with you. I never thought about it that way, because I’ve never been much into art. Aesthetically though, I have to agree.”
– Glen Jakobs, 70


As I said above, Running: How To Torture Yourself And Enjoy It |The Unvictimized Edition| is a satirical self-help book about running that’s more about its author than anything else. It is also the first book of the First Spiral, a longer story called The Highest One Writing.

The Highest One Writing is a story about an author told through the books he wrote. It starts with a self-help book and ends with the destruction of Existence. Also, it may or may not take you to the depths of insanity and back.

Running is available to read for free in its entirety on my website. Click here to check it out.

I’ve written a few other books, too. Click here to see the list.

If you like Running and would like to help support my work, buy a copy of the book here.

Be well Commons~

Author:

I'm just an eccentric dude who likes to write

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