Appendix – Running: How To Torture Yourself And Enjoy It |The Unvictimized Edition| (9/9)



Hello there, Hunter Adom Wallace here. While the rest of my book was non-fiction, you may have chosen to perceive it as fiction. That’s okay; this part though? This part is about as non-fiction as it gets, and I need you to both understand and accept that. Even if you disregard everything else I’ve written here, please, please pay attention to the following.

The Lyme Demon

What you’re about to read is weird, very out there, as it were, and reading it back to myself… well, if I was anybody else I would think it was a work of fiction, but like, I wrote it, so I know it happened. So…  I think I had neurological Lyme disease, as in the fucking bacteria was inside my brain. I’ve felt symptoms of Lyme since I was 10 years old, but after a head injury in ‘17 I slowly watched myself descend into a dark pit of pseudo-schizophrenic insanity over the course of a year and a half, and then something happened. I think I cured myself, somehow, and I think it has to do with spirituality and Moksha Medicine. But that’s all what I think; what I know: after what I call “The Banishing” happened, I woke up feeling better than I have in literally years.

I forget exactly when I learned it, but one time while I was tripping on Moksha Medicine, I learned how to do this thing I call Spiraling. You focus on a spot just outside of your perspective and you bring that point in a clockwise or counterclockwise circle around your head and, depending on the direction, your energy level will either go up or down. Like, I’d literally feel it; if I would Spiral in a clockwise direction I’d feel my energy get more intense, I would feel more awake, more alert; if I Spiraled counterclockwise I felt my energy relax, I would get a bit sleepy, everything would just slow down. I thought it was kinda like a superpower so I just played around with it for a few years, never thought into it much. I taught a friend how to do it when I was shamanically guiding him through a Moksha trip and it worked for him too, he could feel his energy changing just like I could, so it’s not just a me thing; it’s an actual, self-observable and teachable phenomenon.

Flash back to my summer vacation before or after fourth grade: I caught Lyme disease from a tick bite. Bullseye and everything, tested and diagnosed by a medical professional registered with the US government; I word it that way to add legitimacy to this otherwise bullshit-sounding account of my experiences. Again, this is all true, strangely enough.

I was on antibiotics that whole summer. I couldn’t go outside because the medication made my skin extremely sensitive to the sun, BUT I caught the disease early enough that I didn’t need to spend years in bed, so it all balanced out. After I finished the prescribed round of antibiotics, the doctors told me I was cured and, not only that, but now my body is immune to the disease forever. Well, as it turns out, that’s not really how Lyme disease works.

At all.

Lyme disease is… I don’t know how to word it. Let’s just say there is a TON of controversy and conspiracies about the government, the US healthcare industry, the Plum Island Research Facility in Montauk Bay and Lyme; if you want to look into the sketchy stuff on your own you’re more than welcome to. But anyway, Lyme Disease is a bacterium called Borrelia burgdorferi and it’s shaped like a corkscrew. The way it works is that it bores into, tunnels through, eats and breeds in every part of your body that it can possibly get to; soft tissue, muscles, joints, nerves, and in really bad cases, the brain. Now, humans with Lyme in their brain say that Lyme is worse than cancer because cancer actually kills you – with Lyme, you just get to watch yourself slowly but surely lose your mind on account of the corkscrew-esque bacteria tunneling through, eating and breeding in the neurons that make up your brain. Again, look into it and get tested, especially if you frequent the forests and especially if you do so on the east coast of America. Lyme is a fucking monster, or should I say, a fucking demon.

So, as I hinted at above, I don’t think I was actually cured when I was ten years old. As far back as I can remember, I’ve experienced what I now know as nerve problems like twitching, random numbness, muscle spasms to name a few, exhaustion, fatigue, constant mental fog, blah blah blah to name a few more. Joint pain, too. I literally always thought I was just born fucked up, but now, I’m thinking I’ve had Lyme since I was ten and, even in its dormant state, I think it’s slowly been eating away at my body, just for my body to eventually repair itself as we go. The pain and nerve issues aren’t constant; when they present, they’re just kind of there for a few days and then they go away. They always come back eventually though, or at least, they always would.

I don’t think it got into my brain when I was younger, thankfully, because of a thing in the head called the Blood Brain Barrier – you’ve probably heard of it in one level of school or another. Well, fast forward to Christmas 2017: The Burst, which is my name for the time that I was coloring and I randomly felt a pop inside my head in the exact spot that my skull caved in a few months earlier, happened, and was followed by the sensation of liquid running down the side of my skull. I also passed out, I think; I remember that I lost all bodily sensation but I was still conscious, just floating in a pure white space. It was like… honestly there’s no way I can accurately describe it, it was a very sketchy situation.

Six months prior to The Burst is when I hit my head and my skull caved in and I died and came back to life. When that happened, I’m pretty sure it created a weak spot in my BBB, a ticking time bomb if you will.

Back to Christmas, I smoked a very Moksha-heavy bowl of Moksha Medicine. Immediately after my powwow, I felt The Burst. I think when I smoked, a lot of extra blood rushed to my head really quickly on account of the high-potency Moksha, putting sudden pressure on the weak spot in the BBB and causing it to pop, leaking a tiny bit of blood into my brain cavity before my body did some mystical shit and patched it up/healed itself so I wouldn’t die. Ever since then my life hasn’t been the same, I’ve literally been watching myself go downhill faster and faster physically and mentally and there’s been nothing that I could do to stop it. I thought I had chronically worsening brain damage from the head injury and that’s just how I would go, slowly and tragically over time with no chance of getting helped, fixed or healed.

Until a week or two before I wrote this appendix.

The whole “Lyme doesn’t really go away” thing? Yeah, so I’m pretty sure the blood that leaked into my brain cavity had the Lyme bacteria swimmin’ in it. So essentially, since the beginning of 2018, I’m pretty sure the corkscrew-shaped-ass bitch-ass burgdorferi has been in my brain slowly screwing me, eating away at my neuro-bits and destroying me from the inside.

So prior to two weeks ago I was helping one of my uncles, who is diagnosed with and has been warring against very severe neurological Lyme disease for years, move all his shit between upstate New York and northern New Jersey. During that experience he told me A LOT about his experience with the disease and his symptoms, and what he said matched what I was going through to the T – same symptoms, same feeling not right all the time, same searching for answers and going to doctors and getting nothing; the numbness, the uncontrollable nerve firing, the extremely fucking unnerving, uncomfortable, and unsettling sensation of my fucking body vibrating/feeling like electricity is running through it that’s one step down from seizure-style convulsions, everything. I thought I was schizophrenic for a while now, as you probably aren’t aware of, because I didn’t want to mention that in my running book, but now I’m pretty sure I’ve just had Lyme this entire time.

Fun fact: the most common misdiagnosis of neurological Lyme disease is paranoid schizophrenia because it literally makes you go fucking crazy and hallucinate, etc. – that et cetera including all the wild shit that happens in the brain up to the point of goddamned fucking hallucination. Terrifying is an understatement.

All right so finally, a week or two ago. I was lying in bed, zonked off my ass on Moksha Medicine and playing around with the Spiraling technique, thinking existentially, as I do. I kept Spiraling clockwise because I liked when things got more intense, but then something clicked inside my brain: Lyme is a corkscrew, it works by screwing itself into the body. Corkscrews go into things in a clockwise direction and come out in a counterclockwise direction. When I’d Spiral clockwise, everything became more intense; what if that was because I was metaphysically Spiraling the Lyme deeper into my brain and the increased intensity was my brain/body freaking the fuck out?? That probably seems like a stretch, but I’m the shamanic type and I’ve literally had visions of worms squiggling and digging into the center of my brain, among other things that are related to my brain being under attack somehow. So, on a hunch, I then started Spiraling counterclockwise over and over, faster and faster, refusing to stop. That’s when shit got weird. Well, weirder.

I didn’t expressly feel my spirit leave my body, but everything faded away and I was, like, floating in darkness. I think I was literally inside my brain, but I can’t be sure of that. I kept Spiraling, darkness got darker, I started hearing a high-pitched ringing and I started to see stuff moving around. At first it was just shapes and very subtle colors, but as I kept Spiraling it got clearer and clearer, started taking shape. It was this… thing, it literally looked like the face of an evil, twisted, demonic and demented worm creature. Eyes everywhere. This horrible, retching mouth with razor sharp teeth hanging off its body on a tube. It was just… it was evil. I could feel that it was evil. And it roared, it made this horrid, bellowing roar that almost sounded something like the TARDIS from Doctor Who, but not comforting whatsoever. I will literally never forget the sound it made, the shit haunts me to this very day.

The more I Spiraled, the clearer and louder the thing got. So, naturally, I Spiraled faster and faster and at some point I heard myself yelling, “BEGONE LYME,” over and over inside my head, and every time I said it, the thing would roar louder and louder. I felt like Doctor Strange trying to bargain with Dormammu except way too real and instead of an infinity stone, I had… well, a history of Moksha Medicine use and an open third eye.

So basically an infinity stone, if we’re being real here.

So I keep up the Spiraling and the BEGONE-yelling for somewhere between like, five and ten minutes or so, and then, suddenly, the thing is gone. All’s quiet inside my head, I’m back in my body and everything just feels at peace. A sense of relief washes over me. I felt normal for the first time in years, like I’m the only thing controlling my body, and I’ve felt great ever since. I don’t dread waking up anymore, a lot of my nerve problems have gotten considerably better and less severe since then, my head is a lot clearer and I don’t feel like I’m going to randomly just drop dead, which, ever since the resurrection head injury, has been at the forefront of my consciousness. And the kicker: Spiraling doesn’t really do anything for me anymore. I’ve tried going both clockwise and counterclockwise and while I can still find the point and bring it around the outside of my perception, I no longer feel a change in energy after the loop.

So, to recap, I’m pretty sure I accidentally banished the spirit of the Lyme disease (which is the closest thing to a fucking demon that I can imagine) from my brain, maybe the rest of my body too, literally curing myself of one of the worst neurodegenerative diseases in Existence, all through spiritual means and techniques that I acquired (for lack of a better term) by opening my third eye through meditation and the ingestion of Moksha Medicine. If I can cure myself with Spiraling, and it’s possible to teach others how to Spiral whilst under the effects of the Moksha Medicine, then that means others can be cured of their Lyme disease too. If, that is, Spiraling actually cured me of Lyme, and what I’ve said here has any bearing.

I say that because I’ve yet to get retested for Lyme disease because I can’t afford health insurance and I don’t want the United States’ government’s health insurance, and I can’t afford a doctor’s appointment to get retested. But I do feel significantly different after The Banishing than I did before it happened. And I’ve been functionally better too: less twitching, less aches and pains, less numbness. Happier mood, clearer head, more creative state of mind. I’ve been cooking for myself, writing upwards of two thousand words a day, I can even work out without feeling the need to take a nap immediately after. Everything is just better; the most startling thing about this whole experience has been realizing how far from baseline I fell without ever really noticing.

That’s not to say I’m suddenly in perfect health, either. I still feel symptoms occasionally, they aren’t nearly as severe and they don’t last as long, but I do still feel them. I think a lot of healing still needs to be done to get me back up to par because the bacteria did damage my body, and might still be damaging it for all I know, but considering how I feel better every day, I think I might actually be cured. The future is bright again for me, like, I actually feel like I’m going to end up okay. For the first time in a long time, I’ve noticed myself thinking like a sane human; or at least, as close to what the “general public” considers to be “sane” as I can get.

And I can’t accurately express how good it feels to be able to write that, to write all of this, and not be full of shit. I’m not looking for recognition, status, anything; I wasn’t even going to type this up originally; if somebody I know reads this and asks me about it, I’m going to be embarrassed as fuck, but… fuck it. If there’s a single human being out there, if there is one hairless monkey out of the seven-something billion on this planet who’s been going through the shit monsoon that I’ve been weathering up to this point and reading these words could have a crotch hair’s of a chance to improve that human’s life… I would be a demon if I didn’t put it out there.

I, Hunter Adom Wallace, banished the Lyme demon. And if I can do it, that’s proof enough that someone else can do it too.

Hello Commons, this has been the appendix of Running: How To Torture Yourself And Enjoy It |The Unvictimized Edition|, a satirical self-help book about running that’s more about its author than anything else. Running is the first book of the First Spiral, a longer story called The Highest One Writing.

The Highest One Writing is a story about an author told through the books he wrote. It starts with a self-help book and ends with the destruction of Existence. Also, it may or may not take you to the depths of insanity and back.

Running is available to read for free in its entirety on my website. Click here to check it out.

I’ve written a few other books, too. Click here to see the list.

If you like Running and would like to help support my work, click here and buy an autographed copy (or anything else!) from my store. Alternatively, you can snag a cheaper (and unsigned) copy from Amazon by clicking here, OR you can buy the ebook for even cheaper here.

If you’re there, hypothetical reader, thank you for being there. Be well Commons~

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