The Incense Salesman
A dark silhouette with a big round head and hunched up shoulders dominates the camcorder’s viewfinder. Brilliant white light fills in the gaps around its form, and no matter how many times he hits the focus button, the lighting just doesn’t change. Then, he turns so his back is facing the water – that is, away from the sun – and the color fills in like winter turning to spring.
“There we go, good golly!” hums Liam. Then, to all the Little Liams around him, “Well thanks for coming out today, everyone! I finally got it focused, we’re going to start rolling in just a bit!”
Nobody acknowledges Liam. He takes this as a sign of respect and starts the countdown in his head.
‘Ten, nine, eight… five… threetwoone let’s go!’ and hits the record button.
“Hello, my Little Liams! This is your buddy Liam, and you’re watching Being Liam, the best YouTube channel in the whole wide world! Today we’re at the illustrated Monksville Dam,” the word illustrated pronounced as if he was trying to say the word illustrious but took a wrong turn. He turns the camera to the right so it’s facing the sun again and the picture gets completely washed out. “That’s the bridge there, it dams off the Monksville Reservoir over in Treeburg, and as you can see, it’s just so glorious! I can’t believe this beautiful sceneryic place to be is just a short twenty-five-minute drive up the county road from my place in Wanaque!”
Liam does a slow sweep to the left, capturing a streetlight, the high concrete barrier which prevents the sadder folks from easily jumping off and plummeting down the one hundred feet into the lower Wanaque Reservoir on the other side of the dam, another streetlight, then the little grassy patch on the side of the road with a few bushes, a plaque commemorating the Monksville Reservoir and Dam, and a flagpole, and then the parking lot, which currently hosts four motorcycles for every car parked.
There are three cars parked, one of which belongs to Liam’s mom, who locked her doors the moment Liam hopped out.
“As you can see, my Little Liams,” Liam gushes into the lens of his camcorder, spraying only a tiny bit of spittle, “a whole lotta guys and gals came out for the big video shoot today! It means the world to me that so many of my Little Liams support my YouTube channel, that so many support me Being Liam. Let’s say hi!”
Liam turns his camera to face the parking lot, where all the bikers are congregated. He waves at them, though the camcorder doesn’t capture it, and seven of the bikers flip him the bird.
“Wow! Tough crowd!” Liam squeals with glee. He’s happy just to get their attention. “Thanks for the interviews, guys!”
After the interviews, Liam power walks down to the opposite end of the dam and back, the camera capturing each labored huff and puff to escape the mucous-lined passageway that is his throat. He’s a terribly self-conscious dude, our Liam, and he’s sure some viewers are going to think he’s a smoker, but that’s all right. After all, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what Liam thinks about himself, and Liam knows he doesn’t smoke. Liam’s out here Being Liam, and that’s what’s important.
“Well, my Little Liams, thank you for joining me for today’s Being Liam video! I hope you guys enjoyed Being Liam with me, because I sure enjoyed it myself. See you all tomorrow!”
With today’s video shoot wrapped, Liam slaps the viewfinder closed and heads towards the parking lot where his mom is waiting to take him home. Another successful day of Being Liam.
Hello Commons, this has been the first subchapter of the seventh story from Convenient Incidents, an anthology of fifteen interconnected short stories which revolve around a man by the name of Hilter Odolf Williamson.
Convenient Incidents is part of the Third Spiral, an anthology of sorts called The Here and Now which is comprised of stories told from the various planes of Existence.
Convenient Incidents is available to read for free in its entirety on my website. Click here to check it out.
I’ve written a few other books, too. Click here to see the list.
If you like Convenient Incidents and would like to help support my work, click here and buy an autographed copy of the book (or anything else!) from my store. Alternatively, you can snag a cheaper (and unsigned) copy from Amazon by clicking here OR you can buy the ebook for even cheaper here.
If you’re there, hypothetical reader, thank you for being there. Be well Commons~