A great man once said, “If it’s ka it’ll come like a wind, and your plans will stand before it no more than a barn before a cyclone.” Ka is fate, destiny, in other words the inevitable, and my own barn has finally fallen: all my books are now available in ebook form.
I’ve been fighting this wind for a long time now. I acknowledge that a great many folks like them, but ebooks are not my thing. Never have been. I don’t read them, I don’t buy them, I’m just not about them. I’m old school like that, ya dig? When I read a book I want to read a book, I want to hold the weight of the story in my hands, I want to smell the pages as they turn, I want to feel the power imbued into those pages and as far as I’ve experienced, reading an ebook just isn’t the same as reading a real physical book.
Nor is making an ebook the same as making a book, not for me it isn’t. When I go about putting one of my books together, a lot more than just typing words goes into it. I like to use a multitude of fonts, I like to add in visuals here and there, I like to mess with the formatting a little bit. In other words, I like to make a book out of it. Is this extra stuff completely necessary in telling the stories I tell? No, but I think the extra makes the reading experience better. It is a haughty artistic choice, and if I can’t make my projects the way I want to make them, I simply choose not to make them.
Up until now, every time I tried to make my projects into ebooks (and there have been many times) I would put them into Kindle Create and my work would be forced through a formatting filter and all the glorious extras would be stripped away as though Kindle Create drenched my work in acid, and I mean the caustic kind! It just didn’t work for me, it didn’t jive, fighting the program/system gave me a headache and I always got frustrated and said Fuck this asinine bullshit I refuse to work under these con’god’damned’ditions (not in those words) before uninstalling Kindle Create back into the technological hellscape from whence I dredged it so it could sit and wait for me to whistle it back, which I always would, time and time again.
But this time was different. This time when I whistled, I noticed that Kindle Create had the option to make an ebook that is an exact replica of the printed book. I don’t make text files, I make books, and now Kindle Create was giving me the opportunity to prepare electronic versions of my books for sale. The wind was continuing to blow, I say, and so I finally let the barn drop.
Life is a race and in running it, you will come across hurdles which must be leapt over in order to proceed. You have no choice but to leap; the choice comes in after you’ve left the ground. You will either clear the hurdle and land securely on two feet and keep on running towards the next hurdle (which will be just a little bit taller than the last), or you will catch your knee/shin/entire body on the crossbar and you will falter and topple and eat a doggie bag of shit and the blood will flow, and then you will get up, you will get running, and the next hurdle will be the exact same height as the last, and you will leap again.
You will always leap and you will always land; whether or not you go on bloodied is entirely up to you. That is to say, whether or not you get over the hurdle is entirely up to you.
Lmfao this post is so extra
It didn’t happen overnight – it happened over the course of two nights and a day, and it took half a litre of Romana Sumbvca |Liquore Classico| – but it finally happened. I came to the ebook hurdle once more and I leapt, and the winds of ka were blowin’ so strong they helped me get over it without spilling blood. This is called The Great eBook Rollout, but when I hit the ground I didn’t roll out, I just kept on running, and now all eleven of my fictions are available in ebook form, and my website and every single one of my blog posts – posted and scheduled alike – reflect that fact.
AND SOMEBODY BOUGHT ONE, TOO! Somebody bought the Untitled Bigfoot Project ebook ON DAY ONE! Before I even made the official announcement! Talk about a good sign, right? Gargantuan thanks to that lovely hypothetical reader, I really hope you dig it.
Like the prices for the autographed books on my store, my ebook prices are based solely on the book’s word count; the more work I put into the project, the higher the price. That said, every ebook is cheaper than the Amazon unsigned paperback alternative, as it should be. Here’s a list of hyperlinked titles and prices in pile order, just in case anyone else is feeling a little horny (;
- Under the Hood: The Imprisonment of Jonathan Knox – $4.50
- Untitled Bigfoot Project – $9.99
- Flowers – $3.50
- Convenient Incidents – $5.50
- The Monksville Chronicles – $4.50
- Running: How To Torture Yourself And Enjoy It – $2.00
- Roadtrip: The ¡Gramango! Edition – $2.50
- A Lyme-Brained Rhyme Game – $2.00
- The 2020 Event |The Main Event| – $9.99
- The Abusive Runner’s Log – $0.99
- The 2020 Event |The Sideshows| – $9.99
If you’re there, hypothetical reader, thank you for being there. From this day on, we move forever forward~