Third Draft – Untitled Bigfoot Project (146/224)


Third Draft

Sometimes Sidney feels like he has to smoke. Sometimes he doesn’t. He keeps his white lighter on him regardless; one never knows when a flame must be sparked.

They’re on the couch in the living room now, been here for a short while; panting, hot yet with clothes still on, hands roaming beneath them; moaning into one another’s mouths, giggling and laughing and so, so in love. The joint was left behind on the back porch, the lighter is making a slight bulge in Sidney’s pocket, but it’s hardly noticeable next to the other bulge. In fact Tori doesn’t notice the lighter at all, not with her closed eyes nor her roaming hands. Of course, her hands aren’t in Albey’s pockets, they’re much closer to him than that, but… but what? What more is there really to say? To be young and in love is turbulent at times and graphic at others, but also it is sweet. Also it is sweet, almost like the taste of Tori’s–

“Did you really just fuckin’ do that?” she laughs as she watches her boyfriend take his pointer and middle fingers out of his mouth.

“I did,” he admits, as there’s no point in trying to lie. They’re on top of each other for Christ’s sake. “So?”

“So why don’t you just…” she trails off. Looks down.

“Can I?”

“Do you want to?”

“I… I don’ow, honestly. I’ve never done it before.”

She bites her lip for some reason. “You’re so cute.”

“What?” he giggles without belief. “Why am I cute?”

“So innocent,” taking his hands in hers. “So pure.”

“I am not innocent and pure.”

“Maybe not,” she says, then kisses him. “You know what’s funny, though?”

“What’s that?”

“I’ve been further with a girl than you have.”

They stare at each other for a questioning second, then both burst out laughing.

“I love you,” he tells her.

“You’re horny,” she asserts.

“I am,” he agrees, slipping his hand back beneath her belt line. She draws a short breath, starts to move her hips. “For you.”

“Prove it then,” she dares him, then kisses him lustfully.

“I will,” when their mouths part, “but not tonight.”

Her hips stop moving, though his fingers do not. “Why not?”

“Because we’re at my house,” Sidney says plainly. “I want the first time to be at your house.”

Tori continues to not move her hips despite the presence between them. “Why do you want that?”

Sidney, taking the hint, slowly takes his hand back. “Um… so we can do it in your bed.”

She stares at him.

“Is that… is that all right?”

As though she was snapping out of a trance, she shakes her head very slightly and blinks about nineteen times. “Yeah, I mean, I, I um… yeah.”

Staring cautiously into one another’s widely dilated eyes, faces mere inches apart.



“Did I do something wrong?”

She gives him a little smile. “No, you… I was just… thinking.”

“Thinking?” She’s starting to squirm beneath him, so he backs up a little. They both sit up, still staring at one another. “Thinking about what?”

“My parents,” she says as though it’s not weird, which is what the look on Sidney’s face seems to suggest. “What, is that weird?”

Sidney looks at his hand, feels the wet on his two fingers with his thumb. “No, uh, it’s not weird, not… um… why were you thinking about your parents when we were hooking up?”

“Well I wasn’t fuckin’ fantasizing about them, if that’s what you’re getting at,” she slaps sarcastically.

“You know damn well–”

“I know I know, I’m kidding,” she says. “It’s just… they’d be really pissed if they knew where I was tonight.”

“Your parents would be pissed off if they knew you were at your boyfriend’s house?” Yeah, he supposes that makes sense. They’re in their twenties now, but they’re still young. High school was so long ago that they can count the number of years on their fingers – that is to say, it wasn’t very long ago at all – and here these kids are all alone in an empty house together. Yeah, it sort’a makes sense. Why not?

“If they knew I was with a boy at all tonight,” she laughs without humor. “If they knew I had a boyfriend… yikes.”

Well… that’s why not. That right there. That.


“Yikes,” she says gravely.

“I uh…” he says, rubbing the back of his head. “I feel slight concern at that, Vic’, I’m not go’n’a lie.”


“Uh… I don’ow. ‘Cause like… my folks know about us, and all, a–”

“Your parents are cool, though,” Tori explains as though he was unaware. “They’re reasonable and not horrid. My parents are…”

“Unreasonable and horrid?” he says, picking up the slack.

“You said it, not me.”

Victoria,” he drawls slowly.

Siidneeeyyy,” she drawls mockingly.

“Please talk to me.”

“We’re talking right now,” Tori says, then crawls on top of him. Kisses him. “We don’t need to be, though.”


She stops his words with a kiss, takes his hand and places it on her body.


Victoria kisses Sidney again, this time with what seems to be a vengeance, and her other hand vanishes into his sweatpants. Sidney goes with it for a second, lets her hands do what they may, lets the taste of her fill his mouth, then abruptly pulls away. She looks at him like he just ran over her dog.

“What the fuck, dude?” Tori demands, attempting to get his pants off. “Do I need to fucking blow you again? What are you doing?”

“I want to talk about the parent thing, Tori.”

“Well I want to suck your cock,” Tori declares, then begins to do just that, only stopping when he forces it out of her mouth. “Are you fucking fo’real right now?!”

“Uh, are you fo’real right now? There’s no way you can honestly enjoy doing that.”

“You don’t know how much I enjoy doing that,” she says, grabbing for him. He catches her by the wrists and stops her. “Sidney fucking Blake!”

“Victoria fucking Moriarty!” he claps back, dropping her wrists so he can pull his pants back up. “We’ve come to an impasse, woman.”

“You’re being unreasonable!”

“You’re being unrealistic!”

“How would you know?! I’m your first girlfriend!”

“Okay?!” he says, feeling as though he’s in a corner. “And I’m your boyfriend who your parents don’t know about!”

“Yeah, wouldn’t be the first one,” she says, arms folded and eyes looking everywhere other than Sidney’s. “Probably won’t be the last, either.”

“What?” he says incredulously. “You’re going to break up with me for wanting to talk about your parents??”

“I’m going to break up with you for taking your fuckin’ dick out of my mouth, asshole!” Tori scolds. “Nobody’s ever fucking done that before, you’re fucking asinine!

“Maybe I am!” he admits. “Maybe I’m an idiot, maybe I’m a shitty boyfriend, maybe I’m fucking crazy! But I really, really feel like we need to talk about the parent thing, so get talkin’.”

“Or what?”

“Or… fuckin’, or go home and talk to them about it.”

Victoria gapes at him for a moment. “You’re… you’re really serious right now, aren’t you?”

“I think we both know how serious I am, Tor’.” He puts a hand on her upper arm. “Please talk to me.”

Though it looks as if her eyes are gazing longingly at his groin, she’s actually looking at the cushion between them. “Fine, I’ll…”

She trails off into silence.

“You’ll…?” Sidney asks. “You’ll what, Victoria?”

She sighs. “What do you want to know?”

“Whatever you want to tell me.”

“I don’t want to tell you anything, actually,” she says, now looking at his groin. “Why can’t we just go back to what we were doing?”

Sidney takes her hands in his, and she looks up at him. “As much as I want to, I really feel like we should get this out of the way. Just… I don’t know. Tell me about your parents. What are their names?”

“Dick and Cunt,” she says in a way that makes Sidney think she’s being serious for a second.

“Um… so what are their names?”

Tori sighs angrily. “Their names are Tina and Chazz Moriarty. Happy?”

“Ecstatic. What do they do?”

“They are lawyers. Very, very successful lawyers who have their own firm and a bunch of little lawyer-bees working under them.” She stops for a second, hoping Albey will say something, but he doesn’t. “We–… They’re, like, the richest couple in my town, everyone kisses their ass whenever they go out in public and restaurants give them free food and stuff.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Yeah, and I fucking hate it. It’s so uncomfortable, because it’s all fake. I know it is, it has to be. Nobody likes lawyers, lawyers are rude and controlling and stuck-up and fucking assholes and they expect everything from you that they were never able to do and if you mess up, if you make so much as one little tiny fucking mistake then you’ll hear about it for the rest of your goddamn life, and they like to talk. They like to talk about you behind your back, they like to talk about you like you’re not even there when you’re sitting right in front of them, they like to bitch and moan to their parents just so their parents can talk down to you like they have any fucking bearing on your life, like they were actually a part of your life when you were growing up, like every single interaction we’ve ever goddamn had wasn’t a weird and horrible and awkward forced thing…” She sighs. “They just suck.”

“Jeez,” Sidney says. “I think I’m starting to feel you.”

“Why don’t you feel me for real, then?” she says, moving to climb on top of him.

“Tori,” Sidney says, not stopping her from putting his hand on her left boob but not keeping it there, either. “I’m guessing they found out about the first boyfriend?”

“No. Fuck no,” she assures him. “I wouldn’t live here if they knew about him. They would have sent me away to some boarding school or military academy like they did my brother.”

“You have a brother?”

“Yeah, I used to. He was three years older than me and he had a lot of female friends. My parents never liked that, they always called the girls he hung out with his little troupe of whores.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yep. Right to his face, even when he was daring enough to bring some of them to our house. We have a really big house too, like, huge. Biggest pool in town, hot tub, pretty much have a movie theater in the basement, but god forbid we share the shit with our friends. God for-fucking-bid. Same-sex friends was fine, he could have as many dudes over as he wanted and I could have as many girls over as I wanted – y’know, just as long as we didn’t associate with each other when they were there – but any time he tried to bring a girl to the house, even just as a friend, they would give him twenty tons of shit for it. I never even tried to bring a guy to my house before.”

“Woah, that’s… Jesus. That’s fucking insane… question, though.”


“Is that why you, uh… is that why you’ve gone farther with a girl than I have?”

Victoria gives Sidney a deadpan glare.

“I’m just curious…”

“No, Sidney, I’ve eaten a girl out because I went through a lesbo phase after me and my first boyfriend broke up.”

“Well then,” Sidney says, slightly uncomfortable. “That uh… that settles that.”

She gives him attitude in the form of an eyebrow. Then, after the silence which ensues, “Are we done yet?”

“Wha’d’ya mean?”

“Are we done with this little therapy session yet? I’d like to feel at least some part of you inside me again, if you don’t mind.”

“I’m sorry,” Sidney says, making not a move. “I just… aside from that time in the bathroom at the library you’ve never talked to me about your parents before.”

“So what?”

So… I don’t know, I just…”

“You just what, dude?”

“I don’t know!” dude exclaims. “Is it so weird that I want to know about your family?”

“It’s weird that you made me stop sucking you off,” she tells him straightly. “Like, seriously. What the fuck?”

Sidney rolls his eyes at her, believe it or not. “A’right, then start sucking me off again.”

“No, I don’t want to anymore.”

“Wh–… why not?”

“Because you made me think about my dad and it’s weird now.”

“But you just said you wanted to feel part of me inside you.”

“Yeah, your fingers.”

“How is that not weird?”

“Because I said so,” Tori says, then glides to him and kisses him before he can speak again.

They don’t talk about Tori’s parents again for the rest of the night, which Tori is very glad about. He didn’t need to make her talk about them, but… in a way she’s happy he did. Usually guys don’t care. Hell, usually folks don’t care in general. Sidney’s kind of a doof for the way he went about it, but… but what? But he’s her doof? Blegh. The thought of that makes her want to stop kissing him… but at the same time… at the same time…

A good while later a callous and gritty vibration from the coffee table lends pause to the make-out session. It was Sidney’s phone.

“Wait, has your phone been on this whole time?” Tori asks as she doesn’t make any move to get off him.

“Yep,” Sidney says, staining to reach for the phone with the hand that’s not latched onto his girlfriend’s ass. “Is yours not?”

“I turned it off after I got here,” she says through half-closed eyes. It’s kind of fun to watch him struggle. “It’s toxic and I don’t need it. And I like to be alone with you when I’m alone with you.”

“As do I you, my dear,” says Sidney, then finally grabs hold of his phone. “I’ve been waiting for a text, though.”

“Who could possibly be so important, Sidney Blake?”

“My folks,” he says plainly, reading the text. “And this is exactly why: they’re going to be back in about nineteen minutes.”

“Ah,” she says, understanding at once. “Welp. Guess I better go.”

“You could stay,” he tells her. “We can hang out in my bedroom.”

She smiles at him. “I would like that… but it’s getting late. I told my parents I was going to see a movie or two.”

“And they bought that?”

“They buy whatever I sell them,” she shrugs. “They never found out about the first boy, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” he says. They look at each other. “So…”


“You go’n’a get up?”

The answer is a clear, resounding no. It’s given without words, only action. Passionate, loving action, given again and again.

Sidney walks Victoria to her car. They kiss once more, and she thanks him for the lovely night. He thanks her back. She opens her car door, sits down, but does not close herself in.

“Question,” she says.

“Answer,” he returns.

“Are you going to smoke that joint?”

Sidney considers it for a moment. “I still don’t know yet.” Then, “Probably, actually.”

She ugh s. “Seriously?”


“So I blew you for nothing, then.”

“I thought you said you enjoyed that?”

“I did,” she says, then bites her lip a little bit. “You really don’t need to smoke, Sidney.”

“I know,” he says. “And you didn’t need to blow me tonight.”

“I wanted to, though.”

“And I want to smoke.”

She sighs at him. “Fair enough.”

They gaze at one another beneath the glimmering stars.

“When will I see you again?”

“I don’t know,” Sidney says, trying not to shiver. “When are you working?”

“I didn’t mean at the library, stupid,” she tells him.

“Oh. Oh. I uh, I don’ow. Wan’a play it by ear?”



They look at one another again, smiles coming across both their faces.

“What?” she asks him.

“Nothin’,” he says. “Just thinking.”

“Thinking about what?”

“Honestly? How warm we’re go’n’a be under your blankets.”

Does she… is Tori blushing right now? Nah, no way. Simply can’t be. Albey must be seeing things.

“Goodnight, Victoria.”

“Goodnight, Sidney.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Victoria closes the door and turns her car on. Sidney watches her drive into the night. When her headlights finally vanish up Sawblade Lane, he shakes his head and chuckles to himself.

“‘Man,” he says, walking up the front steps to his front door. “‘Man oh ‘man oh ‘man.”

After cleaning up the couch to make it look as though it was not laid passionately upon, Sidney stalks through the house, turning the lights off as he goes, and returns to his perch on the porch. The joint is on the floor beneath his chair – was, that is, until he picked it up and bit the soggy end yet again – and finally, at long last, he takes his white lighter out of his pocket, raises it to the en–

“Ah’CHOO!” Albey shouts at the top of his lungs, taking his sneeze to an inanely dramatic level. “Ah Christ, the shit’s running, I can feel it.”

That’s the worst, isn’t it? When you sneeze and a torrent of watery snot just pours out your nose like it was a faucet in a bathtub? Yeesh. Sidney, leaving the joint and lighter on the chair so he can cover his leaking face with both hands, goes back inside to fetch a tissue just as his parents are walking in the front door.

“Hey guys,” he says, the words coming through as muffled grunts.

“Hey Sid’AHHHHH!” says and then shouts Ashley, dropping her purse to the floor.

Sidney stops in his tracks and turns to face them. “What, what is it?”


Sidney gives their shocked mugs an eyebrow and nothing more before going into the bathroom – the powder room – to wash the snot off his face. Not bothering to close the door so he doesn’t snot it up, Sidney looks into the mirror and nearly leaps three feet into the air.

‘Twas not snot flowing liquidly from Sidney Blake’s nose, you see; ‘twas actually blood, and a whole lot of it. Like a pervy old men who catch a glimpse at an attractive young woman in an anime, Albey has himself a nosebleed.

“Criminy,” he groans as he takes his hands away from his face. “Christ, looks like I was playing in somebody’s guts.” Takes a moment to think about it. “Hah.”

Sidney washes his hands and his face, then rolls up a few squares of toilet paper into plugs and stops up his nose. When he comes out of the bathroom his parents are still standing at the front door, shook.

“It was just a nosebleed, guys. I’m fine.”

They look at each other, then back at Sidney. Neither say a word.

Sidney sighs. “I’m go’n’a go out on the porch for a few. Goodnight parents.”

“Goodnight son,” Jeremy Blake says slowly, as though he couldn’t believe all that blood came from Sidney’s nose.

Out on the back porch Sidney plops back into his chair with every intention of finally smoking this stupid damn joint he rolled without knowing why he rolled it in the first place. He takes the wet, mushed crutch into his mouth, he sparks a flame before raising the lighter to the end of the joint, he brings the ligh–

Yet again, this time for the last time, the lighting of Sidney’s joint is interrupted. His phone does not go off, his parents do not come out, his girlfriend does not appear stark naked on his lap; like the night Old Jack came a’humpin, Sidney hears a noise in the woods, a certain specific noise that both exhilarates him and terrifies him at the exact same time.

From deep in the woods around Sawblade Lane, Sidney hears a WHOOP.

“No fucking shit,” he whispers to himself, awestruck. “Old Jack got out. Dude’s back at it again.”

And Sidney is sitting on the porch.

And the screen door isn’t locked.

Sidney takes the joint into his hand and stares at it through the darkness of the October night. “Y’know, maybe someone’s try’n’a tell me something. Every single time I’ve gone to light you tonight, I was interrupted. Every single time.” He looks up towards the screen door, ears alert, but hears nothing. “Maybe I should take the hint.”

Maybe so, or maybe not; regardless, Old Jack’s out in the woods again, and what’s more he’s WHOOPing now.

“He’s learning,” Sidney marvels as he locks the door. “Old Jack’s getting smarter.”

You know what? Why the fuck not.

Sidney cups his hands around his mouth and WHOOPs with vigor into the cold night. A few seconds later he hears what sounds like the knocking of a branch against a tree, but then again he might not have heard it. His ears are ringing kind of loud tonight, it’s too hard to be sure. Regardless, it’s cold out here on the back porch, and since he’s not going to smoke the joint after all, he may as well go inside.

And so Sidney goes inside, waltzes up to his bedroom, and closes the door behind him. He changes into his pajamas and lays down in bed, then realizes he forgot to brush his teeth, and then halfway to the bathroom dude realizes he never journaled earlier. Checks the clock, sees there’s still a few minutes before Oct the Twentieth comes to its conclusion, and says, “Fuck it, why not?”

Sidney sits down at his desk, opens the journal waiting there for him, grabs the pen, and places the tip to the page, then stops.

“What a day,” Sidney says to himself. “What a fuckin’ day.”

What a day indeed; the manuscript is prepared for drafting, the parents support his dreams, and the Tori fulfilled her cryptic promise; homegirl may not have done it directly, but she played a very heavy hand in getting Albey to not smoke weed tonight.

“Holy shit, I didn’t smoke the weed tonight,” Sidney says, not quite believing it himself. “Wow, that’s… huh. Wow.”

Without writing a single thing for Journal, Sidney sits there and stares at the blank page.

“Woah… well shit, ‘man. I guess I actually did it. Transitioned the addiction from weed to writing, it really happened… wow.” Nods at himself once. “Yeah. I’m here, I really did it. The manuscript is ready for drafting. Before I know it, I’ll be pressing export and turning the third draft into a Pee’Dee’eFf and publishing my first book. I’m go’n’a publish my first book, holy shit. Holy shit!”

Giddy with excitement and tapping his feet madly on the floor of his bedroom, Sidney begins to press symbol into his journal named Journal.

This has been the last subchapter of the sixth chapter of Untitled Bigfoot Project. Here is everything you need to know about it:

Untitled Bigfoot Project

I’ve written a few other books, too. Click here to see the list.

The Hillside Commons has a Facebook page. Here’s that.

If you’re there, hypothetical reader, thank you for being there. From this day on, we move forever forward~

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s