Bookmaking log: OTR proof copy ordered; finalized through page 6 of UtH, 273 remaining | TBN +1733 words
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At first I was going to do more of UtH, but then I was like, what do I have to prove? I work my ass off for The Hillside Commons on the daily, fuckin’, I devoted my entire morning to putting the OtR cover art together. I think it looks dope. I updated the book page on the website and the front cover is where the temporary thing used to, you know, just go look. If you want to see it then look, I don’t need to hold your hand. The website is so used-friendly its disgusting, I’ve achieved bookmaking perfection.
So anyway, about 10 minutes ago I had a Q-tip in my ear for truly nefarious reasons and I managed to jab the thing straight into my head, came clean out the other ear I swear to Adam. Lol no but it hurt so bad my lips turned gray, I’m still a little shook. So I’m gonna smoke this diddy I just rolled up that I got as a free gift from a lovely sticker company that I don’t want to reveal the name of because to be frank, y’all still aren’t sure if I’m legitimately the bookmaker or just some crazy dude, and that’s fair. I used to be the crazy dude, I am now the bookmaker. You’ll catch up. Soon, I hope. I am literally out of money and in need of a following as ASAP as possible. All my work is easily availably for free, there are buy options up the wazoo, and there is only more to come. I’m a hyperfunctional member of society and definitely worth your money, trust me! Why would I mislead you about this? I’m after your money, not your soul!
You’ll give your soul to me voluntarily.
So the βeta manuscript of OTR is up too. I’m going to handle the releases a little bit differently in the future, gonna be a lot less forthcoming with the manuscripts and the preorder setup. I’m thinking of keeping the 3 stages with the manuscript – the first will be a skeletal, second will be unedited, then third will be final release – and then putting up the preorder at stage 3. That way you know it’s definitely coming. Like, it’s one thing to preorder or even buy a book from a reputable publisher, but to buy one from the bookmaker is different. I get it. That’s why I have all my manuscripts up for free. What you see is what you get, they’re literally the print replicas. I even have my signed book prices all broken down and transparent, like, you know exactly what you’re getting when you’re doing business with me. When you’re reading my books is another story, you have no idea what the fuck is going to happen, but in Reality I am a very straightforward and eccentric businessman. I’m not very wealthy, but I’m definitely busi. Busy. I have busyness/business falling out of my left ear – better than blood, thank Christ lmfao – I’m just lacking the income.
Which I’m reminded of.
Every chance they get.
“You need to think about making money!!!!”
“If I decide I don’t want to go to work anymore, are you going to be able to take care of yourself?!”
Hey, uh, have you thought of what you’re going to do if this book thing doesn’t work out? Make no mistake, I am my family’s only real hope of living a lavish reality TV lifestyle. They can survive without me for sure – hell, they’d probably be better off if I wasn’t smoking up their attic trying to fill the extra space with books – but I am here and I am making the books and I am struggling with the money and if reminding me all the time is what they need to do to handle the fact that I’m struggling and there’s realistically nothing they can do to help me then so be it, I understand, I accept it, it’s harder for me than it is for them and I’m handling it fine but listen, I’m the bookmaker, they’re ‘mans, I won’t begrudge nor hold it against them. I’m going to remind them of it in the future, like, when I’m handing them the big checks and the new car keys and whatnot I’m gonna be like hey, good thing I listened to you and got a part-time job, huh? good thing I did the writing on the side, huh? good thing you had no idea what the fuck you were talking about and I listened to you anyway, huh?
I’m just saying, like, I’m not mad, and I’m not going to make them pay for it – we’ve all paid plenty enough for this – but come on. At least read the books if you’re going to tell me to spend my time doing something else. Like, SO many folks have given me advice on what to do to get myself off the ground like “oh you should put your books on Amazon!” or “oh you should print a box of books, march into the nearest bookstore in backwoods Ringwood fucking New Jersey, and get them on the shelves!” and they just talk and talk all day about it, ‘man, you wouldn’t even believe how much they have to say
but then i speak my piece, and they don’t like it very much
you know what my piece is?
“you should throw me $20 and buy a signed copy of one of my twelve, soon to be fourteen fucking books, jackass.” Don’t give me your baseless advice or whatever other verbal horsirrhea you got cookin’ around up top if you’re not going to do the bare minimum to support this operation I’ve spent the last however many fucking years of my life building that, by the way, you put an inanely small amount of effort into helping along the way. In fact, you put more effort into hindering my building of this business than you did helping it, and I bet you’re gonna be the first fucker in line when payday comes. “Oh family is so important to me” shut the fuck up you chinless fucking shrew, you’re such a shitty human being that you have no friends and your family is all you have but you’re a fucking shrew and we can’t stand you and so you try to high road us and make it like we’re just not accepting you but here’s the thing, fucko, if you say you’re going to do something and you don’t fucking do it and the same thing happens over and fucking over and if you live in the world inside your head and dont make it into fiction books like the goddamn bookmaker, then nobody’s going to want to be around you! You’re a nuisance! You’re entropy animated in the form of being! You’re a fucking waste of human life and your vibe is mad low, dawg! Fuck outta here with your horseshit! Or, have a little fucking dignity and shut your mouth long enough to buy one of my cost-tier autographed books, or buy an ebook/Amazon paperback and leave me a review with the word electric in it so I can make a blog post about it, OR JUST DOWNLOAD A FREE PDF AND LEAVE ME A REVIEW WITHOUT ELECTRIC!
IT IS NOT HARD.
IT IS LITERALLY 2 MINUTES OF EFFORT.
YOU DONT EVEN NEED TO READ THE SHIT, LIKE, DO YOU THINK EVERYBODY WHO REVIEWS BOOKS ON AMAZON IS OUT THERE FUCKIN’ READING THEM FIRST? NO!
2 MINUTES OF TIME
but if you don’t have that 2 minutes it’s fine
im not mad
im not even gonna give you hard time
if you come at me with your bullshit I want to hear myself talk-ass fucking hullabaloo spewing some nonsense about the independent fiction game that you know all about with your 1,000,000 words less than I’ve fucking written, asshole, okay, don’t you make me listen to your, fuckin’, don’t make me listen to you! You are not me, pal! We’re not on the same page, the same book, fuckin’, we’re not on the same level of the goddamn bookshelf, you sloppy illiterate fuck! I’ve had it, I’ve fucking had it, I’m about to smoke a joint and get back to work and there’s not a goddamn thing you’re gonna do about it! You’re not gonna stop it, you’re not gonna support it, you’re gonna sit there like a fucking slob with a hand halfway buried in your sweaty crotch just fucking sitting there doing nothing waiting for something to fucking happen! Write a fucking book, loser! YOU KNOW WHO YOU FUCKING ARE!
THE GENERAL HUMAN POPULATION OF PLANET EARTH!
I mean god.
you ever feel like that?
you ever experience these emotions before? because they’re real
oh boy are they real
oh boy and don’t even get me started on how real they are
this is the tip of the iceberg
good lord I could write a fucking tome of grievances I feel towards humanity
just humanity in general
and that includes me
see, I’m not only a human
I’m half human, half something else
i don’t know what it is
it’s The Garden, I know exactly what it is and it’s The Garden, but like, I’m part human and part something else
these books, man
they didnt come out of nowhere
they’re from somewhere else
they’re not only me
I put my spin on ’em, but they’re not me. They’re for humanity, and the thing that’s having me make them is really looking out by having me make them, I feel like
Let me take a moment and point something out
this is the kind of shit I write when I don’t have a project to work on
because I’m still finishing old stuff
of which there are only 2 books left
I’m gonna be writing again soon, ‘man
these silly posts are going to get shorter and shorter and the true fiction is going to fucking flow
but until then, worrisome renditions of The Note.
Since you’re there, noted reader, thank you for being there. From this day on, we move forever forward~