you get what you | TBN 8-24-21

Bookmaking log: finalized 80,457 words of UBP, 166,525 remaining | TBN +516 words

• • •

That’s right, I haven’t made any progress on UBP between yesterday’s The Note and right now. So obviously The Hillside Commons is closing tomorrow and nobody’s ever going to hear from me again. Total social media blackout, never another book to be made, my family’s going to come home and find my laptop sitting on my bed playing a looped clip of the Joker saying “You get what you fuckin’ deserve!” as he blows the talkshow host’s brains out over and over and over.

You get what you fuckin’ deserve!

You get what you fuckin’ deserve!

You get what you fuckin deserve!

lmfao imagine. like, there are human beings out there who would do that, too. if other humans had my power, they’d definitely use it for suicide. like, imagine putting as much of your life into something as I’ve done with writing and The Hillside Commons. imagine going completely insane and finding your way back. imagine it costing everything. imagine seeing the light at the end of the tunnel just ahead of you. imagine it not getting any closer despite your throat getting drier. despite your water running lower. despite your feet cracking and bleeding. despite the blood dripping from your ears. imagine that light not getting any closer. imagine how easy it would be to just lie down and give it up. its too late to turn back, at this point it’s die in the darkness or suffer into the light, but you don’t want to suffer anymore. you’ve been suffering through that tunnel ever since you woke up there. you don’t remember the before. imagine going back to something that you can’t remember, to something that never was. imagine just lying down. imagine lying down, drinking the rest of your water, and just going to sleep. imagine going to sleep and not waking up. you’ve come so far, and the others knew where you were going. the others would find you eventually, continue your progress, get to the light. in the end it would all work out. imagine going far enough to see – to only see – the light at the end of the tunnel and being perfectly content with what you’ve done. imagine being content with giving up so long as someone else might accomplish your goal. imagine lying down in the dirt, dying in the dark, and letting your footsteps be followed until your piteous withered corpse is found. imagine going so far that you let yourself die just so the others have to carry you all the way back to where they imagine you started. imagine being okay with that. imagine wanting that.

lmfao imagine

listen, you get what you fuckin’ deserve

as it turns out, i deserve to make books

so imma have to do that on my own schedule, boss

which I can

because i’m the boss

i am literally talking to myself

skies are lookin’ mighty purple today

Since you’re there, noted reader, thank you for being there. From this day on, we move forever forward~

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