disclaimer | TBN 9-17-21

Bookmaking log: Project R @ 3,107 words | TBN +1,599 words

• • • nothing writ’ below these dots • • • is meant for human eyeballs • • •

I woke up this morning to my father dashing through my room. I need your keys he half-whisper’d into the darkness, into the twilight of my cannascented bedroom. The ‘man was probably as high as I am right now by the time he got out into the garage, the poor bastard. I’m lucky he didn’t wreck my car any worse than I already did.

So apparently, for the past week and a half, my parents have been planning to go away for the weekend. I don’t know whether I woke up in a new iteration this morning or if I’ve been vacationing but regardless, yeah, had no idea. That was a nice surprise, not gonna lie. I love ’em, of course, and this is their house, and sure, living out on my own would be better, but we’re not gonna go there, listen, it was a nice surprise to wake up, to venture down the stairs from my studio apartument and visit the kitchen/living room/dining room/foyer common area and learn that my landlords are taking a trip for a couple days. Do you wanna know what I did today? I played one single game of Call of Duty Outbreak and it was a great fucking game. It went about 20 minutes too long, which is honestly perfect for the call of duty because you get your fill and then you get a little buffer so the craving to mindlessly fire neurons whilst killing the virtually undead doesn’t come back for a while. It’s the strat.

After that I don’t really know what I did, the day really blew by, I might have put a lot more time into the call of duty than I realized, but anyway, at one point I lit a fire in the chimenea and then proceeded to sit and watch the fire like my father watches the television: for uninterrupted hours on end. I burned a lot of wood today. There’s an entire pile of logs that I sawed off of a massive deadfall in the backyard, by hand, and I burned a log off that, plus a bunch of other stuff that’s been sitting around so long there’s a bunch of fuckin’ mold on it. Disgusting. If I die from accidentally inhaling smoke from a fire fed partially by the various molds of north Jersey then… well, we all got’a live. There’ll be another human civilization LOL

So Project R, it’s uh, it’s gonna be a good one. I’m excited for it, ‘man, I think it’s gonna be great, I think certain specific human beings might read it and take it wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy wrong, but to be honest, if they need to be the creeps who presume I am secretly writing in code and making petty little evil little references about them, then it is what it is. Like, at the beginning of all of my books I have a little disclaimer, and then a summary of that disclaimer, a synopsis if you will. The summarization, I do please, of my disclaimer, is as thus:

In other words, it’s just words. It’s not real. Get a grip.

In every single of my 15, soon to be 16, will definitely be 17 before the end of the year, hopefully 18. If I can get book 19 out either at the end of this year or at the beginning of next year, I am gonna be all sorts of happy. I have time. I started UBP right around this time last year and I had time to write it and Flowers and The Face of Fear, so,,,, like,,,,,,, bookmaker

But yeah, ‘man. I’m not writing about you, don’t worry. I just don’t care. I don’t have any vendettas, I don’t hold any grudges. I love and appreciate the ones I should, and I don’t pay attention to the ones worth ignoring. Everything I do I do to make books, which is exactly why I chilled today. Like, look how much I just wrote. I didn’t plan any of this. I was planning on not doing this. I was going to skip this today and just do one Sunday, but that could begin a vicious spyral in which I make myself do a non-book version of The Note on a Sunday, which I don’t want to do. I’m trying to prop up some balance in my life, secure it, if you will, and to do that, I wanted to relax today. I wanted to dedicate the day to burning wood and cannabis, and I did. And it was grand.

Like, no bullshit, today was a fine day. Today was great. I have zero complaints about today. I would do today again for sure. I’ve been kinda low, kinda mellow, just generally in my feels about the passing of Norm Macdonald. I named my character Old Jack after the character Old Jack in his novel, I loved Norm. I had only been listening to his work for maybe a year, maybe a little more. When I heard he died I literally shouted the word NO loud enough to echo throughout the house. I had never reacted like that to a death before. Howie Mendell did the same thing, idk if that’s how you spell his last name but he was podcasting with Anthony Jeselnik and they found out and Howie [hah Howie “Hoots” McGee what’s good, I’m into stand-up comedy] uhhh and Howie just shouts out NO. Just like I did, except I shouted louder because I’m the bookmaker, I have the youthful exuberance on my side

speaking of which, there’s something… so… I’ve sort of been planning this from the start, more or less, and… well, I think I’ve mentioned it before, but… I want The Hillside Commons to be a library. Realistically speaking it would be a creative’s guild, a library is literally a creative’s guild that’s focused on books and writing because writing is the key to all creation and writing is best stored in books, but anyway, what I’m saying is this specifically:

“The Bookmaker has incarnated in human form to rebuild the Library of Alexandria because somebody got jealous and burned it to the fucking ground. Do you have any idea how many human beings died in that fire? Forget the 1,000s of years of progress you removed from beneath your species’ collective belt, do you know how many early ‘mans must have burned in that fire trying to protect their books, their scrolls, their precious squiggly symbols on the dried crinkly stuff that meant more to them than their very lives? Christ, for the burned ‘mans alone this should have been done ages ago, but here it is: we let the matter go on and didn’t take care of it, we brushed it under the rug and ignored the lumpiness beneath out feet. We put it off for so long we found ourselves putting it on one day, and now it’s on, baby. Now it’s on, and there’s only one way to go: through.”

Get it? That’s supposed to be the Astral God of All writing, see, but I am literally the human incarnation of Him, so His writing is exactly the same as mine. I’m not saying I’m god, no, see, I’m saying the spirit that is me, like, the thing that sees through my eyes, inhabits my body using my brain? That spirit eventually grows up to be the Astral God of All.

Get it?

Do you get it yet?


So Project R is going good. It uh, it has something to do with some of the things I may have said in this here blog post, but uh, that’s probably pretty obvious. that’s literally what this is, like, you get a chunk of my unfiltered mind every day, and when I’m working on a project, it means that I am actively experiencing a mental-illnessia delusion and converting it into brilliant fiction writing. In other words, I am flexing my psychephrenia. In even otherer words, I am doing what I incarnated here to do. But uh, for The Note I try to just let myself go and not, like, spend time focusing on bullshit, but I’m only human. I might eventually wake up in The Writer’s Room as The Bookmaker, but until then, I’m only human. I get stressed out, I have human problems. Like, this morning, I did the blog post sharing and I wasn’t paying attention and I accidentally described it wrong to the entire population of Facebook. Whatever. I think I’m gonna keep doing that. Just describe something totally ridiculous and have it very remotely or symbolically or whatever, have it have something to do with the actual story, but uh… yeah, ‘man, I just wanna have fun with the social media, but on the more serious note, the library thing…

That’s what The Hillside Commons is, what it’s supposed to be. Like, I might be The Bookmaker, but I can’t be making books just for the sake of making books. That’s ri’goddamn’diculous. No, I need to be devoted to something higher than myself, and The Hillside Commons is that thing. So… I think I’m gonna have to redesign the website again. Nothing major, just change some pages around. I don’t think it’ll take horribly long, but… we’ll see. I’m’a do it as soon as I publish and share this.


Since you’re there, noted reader, thank you for being there. From this day on, we move forever forward~

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