Can, Na, and Bis, You Bitch!
• • •
You’re there. I’m not. I’m still slavsquatsupreme on a rock back here writing all this with a pencil on a single sheet of looseleaf paper… but, I suppose I must now go. The joint isn’t going to smoke itself, and you can’t roll wee’ for shit, buddy.
Okay, now I’m up
and off I come.
A massive triangle rock points to the viewpoint. Did you put that there?
No, doesn’t matter. Here we stand at the top of Board Mountain, staring out into the infinite black of it all, that little slice of empty void we all come home to, wait, that’s not right, no, wait, see, the mountain, see, it seems to have grown as we hiked it, and now it’s peeking into a void of some sort. This isn’t good.
No, this isn’t good at all.
You punch me across the face so hard that you feel it. Then, you gently nudge my upper elbow and I turn.
“Ah,” I say, “yes, I see. There’s a whole planet floating there.”
Floating there, visible only when I’m not looking out from Board Mountain at the void a’sprawl over Wuester Dam and all the surrounding Wuester woodlands, is, yes, a true planet. What’s more, it seems to be a perfect replica of our own. Imagine that, a planet, an actual whole planet floating here in little backwoods Wuester. Who would’ve thought?
“Oh no,” as I dash. “The earth… seems to be crumbling beneath our feet!”
You’re way ahead of me. You prob’ly noticed the earth beginning to crumble beneath out feet whilst I was squat’ writing all of this in pencil on a single piece of looseleaf paper.
Gravity begins to get wonky, shit’s doing whatever it wants to right now, I don’t know how you might describe it but up’s neither down nor sideways right now, up is not and I am floating, I just landed on the back of my fucking neck and what do you know, here we are, back on the top of the summit of Board Mountain.
I’m walking backwards up the trail now – see, there’s a little trail that goes further up from the prime viewpoint – and all I see is Board Mountain – the first one, not this mysterious new strange one that I crashed into back of my neck -first. By the time I’m at the top I can’t even see Earth anymore. Forget Wuester, the entire planet’s gone. Now there’s not even a sky.
Where the fuck did you go?!?
Oh, you’re right there. Huh.
Well wha’d’y’know about that?
This has been the tenth subchapter of Boardtrip II: Can, Na, and Bis, You Bitch!, which is hidden in the front of the book Sto’tryp. Here is everything you need to know about it:
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