Hello there, Hunter Adom Wallace here. While I presented the main body of this, my book titled Running: How To Torture Yourself And Enjoy It, as non-fiction, you may have chosen to perceive it as fictional. That is okay; this appendix, though? This appendix is just about as non-fiction as it gets, and I need you to both understand and accept that before continuing. Even if you disregard everything else I wrote upon the pages of this book, please, please pay attention to what follows.
Welcome to the club, you crazy winner. You did it, you went out there and got addicted to running, addicted to using your body to get high, addicted to working hard for yourself and getting results for it. Maybe even addicted to my writing, hah! It’s the best addiction to have, that running one; you’ll meet tons of great human beings, you’ll explore forests and towns and all sorts of exotic locales, you’ll get higher than a dirty dope fiend, and you’ll be healthy while doing it. A crazy dude from New Jersey is proud of you.
If you’re not running at this point, I really don’t know what to say! Unless it’s because you’re so engrossed in this book; in that case, it’s fine. You’ve been shown how running has helped me, why running is great for you as a human, and you were even given detailed instructions on how to run. You were provided guidance to help you get started and you were taught how to make a runner’s log to keep track of your progress and make it real. You even caught a glimpse into the minds of other crazy humans who run.
At this point in your reading, you might be skeptical. You may be thinking I made up my story, that I’m pulling this “running makes life better” stuff out of my asshole in order to make a quick buck. You may even think I’m legitimately crazy, that my words hold no weight and that your time spent reading this book has been a regrettable waste. That’s just fine, you believe whatever you need to. I won’t take your insecurities to heart.
Deciding to get out there and start running is a big step, but it’s not as big as actually getting out there and physically doing the running. To help you keep track of your progress and see your improvement on paper, I created a series of runner’s logs you can use on your journey. There are three total: one for the first week, one for the first month, then a template to use once you’ve made it through the first month. Feel free to write right in the book, tear the pages out, make copies for your friends, whatever you need to do. You don’t even need to follow my suggestions if you don’t want to – so long as you’re getting outside and running around, you’re accomplishing the goal.
Just go outside and do it.
When I vowed off running, my ability to block everything out and get shit done deteriorated until it was completely gone. My focus broke, endurance evaporated, lung capacity deflated, physical fitness peeled off; everything generally got worse for me. Then I started running again and it all returned! It’s miraculous as far as I’m concerned; do you not want these benefits for your own life? Back when I was completely out of my mind batshit crazy, running helped me level out and stay sane… so imagine the good it could do for you!
Before we get into how to run, allow me to share a few things about myself so I can show you how running has improved my life. My name is Hunter Owens Wallace. Without sugarcoating it, I was born with a big and serious problem: the inclination to think I have problems. On top of that, over time I’ve also picked up the habit of running from the problems I think I have until I start truly having those problems, which forces me to face them and chase them off for good. I wouldn’t have it any other way, either.
Running: the act of beating your body against the forces of the Universe as hard as you can for as long as you can. In other words, self-torture.